Scott went on The Star Ledger's Munchmobile to find the best pizza in New Jersey. Over the course of a single day, him and a group of strangers got to visit seven great NJ pizzerias in search of the best slice. Then, someone asks them what they thought and writes an article about it.

"If you pass out, I get your slices," Scott Wiener of Cranford announced at one point.

As I write these very words my first ever unsupervised baking project (chocolate chip cookies, of course) is hurdling towards ediblility in the oven.

If all the raw dough I ate is any indication, they're going to be delicious.

I believe everyone is born with a mission. I was fourteen years old when I discovered my mission - to introduce as many people as I can to Bike Safety Camp.

As the name implies, Bike Safety Camp is a children's educational video about bike safety.

Now, I'm something of an expert on stupid children's safety films. Blockbuster used to rent them for free, so my bored friends and I would take them out and rip on them. Please, try to understand how serious I am when I say that Bike Safety Camp is the greatest safety video of all time.

I first saw this masterpiece in 7th grade health class. I can still remember how my class facetiously pumped their fists in the air in time with "Wear A Bicycle Helmet (Every Time That You Ride"). That summer, I obtained a copy on VHS from a friend in summer camp (he sent it to me after the summer was over, thanks again Justin).

For a time, I worried what would happen if my VHS of Bike Safety Camp suddenly fell apart. Would I ever be able to find another copy? How would I share it with my children?

Thankfully, I no longer have to worry. A friend of mine graciously indulged me and ripped the VHS to DVD. Of course, I then began to wonder if anyone would even know to look for the DVD if something horrible happened to me. So just to be sure, I uploaded it to YouTube.

I've shared this video with every friend I met in public school, private school, college, work, and everywhere in between. Now, dear blog reader, I am sharing it with you.

Bike Safety Camp is a little over 20 minutes long, so I had to break it up into three parts. Trust me, it's worth it. I'm going to go ahead and embed part 1. Please, share and enjoy!



Here's part 2 and part 3.

I see some vile footage while sorting through CollegeHumor movie submissions, but I can think of very few times a video has made me say "oh god" and turn away. I had another one last week.

I don't want to say what it was of just yet. You should see the reactions it elicited first. Thanks Ricky's flickr!

The Perry Bible Fellowship website has a new layout. It's as good an excuse as any to read them all over again.

I've been struggling to decide which three I'd like to order prints of. I'm leaning on Orbitoid Jones, Sgt. Grumbles, and Suicide Train. I'm only getting three because I had to draw the line somewhere.

By now, even grown-ups know that MySpace is the radical new place for kids to hang out.

This was the featured video on MySpace's front page today. I can only assume it's prominent placement means a lot of money changed hands. I think it's also safe to assume that someone was paid to write this description:


The best part about advertising on MySpace is that it's not just any website. It's a community. Look at the users rave about Garfield, and build excitement for the product:

Ugh. Survivor: The Ride. I don't know where to begin.

During college, my roommates and I were pretty into Survivor. It was a weekly house event. So I was ecstatic to learn that there was going to be a Survivor: The Ride within driving distance while we were on vacation in San Francisco together. It promised to combine three of my favorite things - roller coasters, Survivor, and stupid shit.

I'm sorry to report that the ride itself is pretty poor. However, the pre-ride Tribal Challenge made it all worth it.

Before you board, a park employee splits a ride's worth of people up into four teams. The challenge is hosted, via video, by Survivor All-Stars Jenna Morasca and Ethan Zohn. The pair teach you a dance and a song. Supposedly, the team who performs the best will get the other teams wet. The clearer (and meaner) way to put it is the team who performs the worst gets the wettest.

The problem with the game, beyond it's own inherent stupidity, is that it's immediately clear nobody is paying attention. The park employees are too busy contemplating how much they hate their job and making sure nobody falls off the ride - in that order. Also, while waiting in line you'll watch the ride go by at least a dozen times. Eventually, you'll notice a conspicuous lack of water on the ride. So, during most cycles of the game Jenna and Ethan's instructions and awful chant are barely even acknowledged.



Survivor: The Ride - Tribal Challenge on Vimeo

I tried to document every aspect of my whole Survivor: The Ride experience so that Survivor fans can see everything there is to see without actually wasting their time.

I've been playing a lot of the new Mario Kart DS online recently.

It's one of the first Nintendo games that lets you compete with other players online. Not only can you can play against other freedom-and-Mario-Kart-lovin' Americans, but dorks throughout Japan and Europe as well. The game just throws everyone into a race. There's no way to communicate, even if we could. Though these opponents may be on different sides of the globe, we all speak the international language of Mario Kart.

The lack of traditional communication makes it difficult to express any personality while playing. One of the few things you can is draw an emblem that goes next to your name and on your cart. I was thinking about writing something obscenely jingoistic to intimidate my foreign adversaries, but then I realized they can't read English.

If you're ever going to a desert island and you can only bring one Internet forum thread with you, make sure it's this one. The community at ASpecialThing.com dug up tons of great comedy on YouTube.

Two highlights:
- This 1998 clip of Norm Macdonald on Letterman right after being fired from Weekend Update.
- This one of Jon Stewart interviewing the Spice Girls.

I heard VH1 has a really loud siren that goes off throughout the building when stuff like this happens.

Oh dear, there was a mix up at the crappy dance movie factory! Now, nobody knows which movie about dancing goes with which tag line!

Can you match the movie about dancing to it's tag line?

1.		A. Every second chance begins with a first step.
2.		B. Never follow
3.		C. Break the rules. Find your freedom. Live your life
4.		D. Something happens when she hears the music... it's her freedom. It's her fire. It's her life.
5.		E. The only person you need to be is yourself.
6.		F. Her dreams. Her terms.
7.		G. If you want respect, you have to take it.
8.		H. Life doesn't hold tryouts.
9.		I. For everyone who believes in the beat.
10.		J. A comedy about following your own lead.

Highlight the seemingly empty area below to read the answers.
1 - H
2 - B
3 - D
4 - A
5 - F
6 - E
7 - G
8 - I
9 - J
10 - C

This rather striking image is from a public domain bike-safety-film titled "One Got Fat." In other words, heavy metal bands are free to use it on flyers to promote their next show without fear of persecution by the man.

Here's some other ways I've been thinking I could use this very-free-for-everyone image:

- Print it onto enigmatic, textless stickers. Vandalize the subway
- Scare 4-year-olds.
- Splice a single frame of it into my upcoming horror film. Probably somewhere during the climactic orgy scene.
- Scare 2-year-olds.

Also, I didn't get a chance to mention it earlier, but this character's name is Philbert Bagel.

Interested yet? The rest of the film is hosted by the always amazing archive.org here. If you're not up for watching the entire thing, I took some more stills and uploaded them to Flickr.

For me, yahoo.com is pretty much the newspaper. I don't know when, but somewhere I developed the habit of checking it for news. That's why I love how their new homepage design most prominently features the "oddly enough" section.

Daily Urkel Links -

Do the Urkel!

Do the Urkel remix I made at work today. (fixed this link)

UrkelQuest contest at CollegeHumor.

It's hard to beleive that they got the Urkel dance and a very special lesson about alcohol into the same 22-minute episode. Bravo, TGIF.

George W. Bush and Tony Blair were caught offguard earlier today, when a microphone they thought was off recorded a candid conversation. According to Yahoo news, Bush said:

"See, the irony is that what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it's over,"

I'm not 100% sure what he's getting at. That said, I beleive we can add the president to the list of people who don't exactly understand irony.

I'm really excited to link to the new episode of CHTV. For the ignorant, CHTV is CollegeHumor.com's monthly sketch series that I'm lucky enough to cowrite and costar in.

Our co-director/co-editor, Giancarlo Fiorentini and Jonathan Grimm, really did a spectacular job.

I love Cheston's new Eyeball Knight comics, based on his classic flash game Eyeball Knights.

We went to the 4th of July hot dog eating contest

Our view of the action
Originally uploaded by DrBaloney.

We went to the 4th of July hot dog eating competition. Do you think it's sillier to be a boxer or a competitive eater?

TBS has the world broadcast premeire of the direct-to-video American Pie sequel, American Pie Presents Band Camp.

I've seen Band Camp and I could give you 50 reasons not to watch, but none of them would be as convincing as the soundboard TBS is hosting.

In other news, I'm traveling to San Fransico this week, so posting may become sparse.

Adios butthuggers!

(thanks for the link Cho)

Congratulations to the trailer for Charlotte's Web. It has just set the record for most Academy Award nominees in a preview that also features a fart joke.



It's about 40 seconds into the preview that a talking cow (voiced by Academy Award winner Kathy Bates) farts on a rat. The rat is sent flying through the air to an unknown, though likely hilarious, fate. Lest we think this was an accident, the Kathy-Bates-cow lets out a satisfied, "bullseye!"

What other classic children's literature is primed to be updated with fart jokes? Here's some ideas:

The Giver - The Giver farts on Jonas.
The Berenstain Bears - Father bear farts, blames it on Brother Bear. Keep in mind they are all CG. This is the one I'm most surprised doesn't exist yet. I'm thinking maybe Dakota Fanning as Sister Bear.
The Chocolate War - I actually don't remember any of the characters from this one, but I imagine the fart being followed by a "GROSS!" and maybe someone doing a bellyflop.